Post-Prandial Somnolence or How to Love Food Comas

Vegetarian Chicken Fried Steak

Ingredients:

A half-package of Yves ground beef
Flour
Corn starch
1 egg
Sea salt
Pepper
Bread crumbs (optional)

Put the ground the beef and egg through a food processor. I have a manual one, so I can see how the texture is, but if you have an electric one, process it in 5-10 second increments. You want to make sure that it’s liquid-y, but still has some texture to it, so you don’t want it to be completely like juice. A half-package makes five, but if you want more, you can use the whole thing.

Now make the batter. Depending how much you’re making, you’ll use two parts flour, one part corn starch. Lightly sprinklesea salt and pepper and put about 1/3-1/2 cup of water in there. The key thing is to make sure it has the consistency of pancake batter.

Now, you’re going to form the patties. I like to form them like larger burger patties. If they are too liquid-y, you can add bread crumbs in there, so they can hold better. This is where you’re going to continue getting your hands dirty, but dip the patty in the batter. It’s going to fall apart, but do your best to keep it together. Pan fry the patty. It’s going to brown before the insides cook (and it will brown quickly), so if you want to keep it crisp, but not burnt, make sure it’s on a medium heat and flip 2-3 minutes. While it may take a little bit longer, it will ensure that it’s more like chicken fried steak and less like a burger. Do this with all the patties you have.

Serve with gravy, mashed potatoes and veggies (I prefer artichokes).

Fried Artichoke

This is an easy-ass recipe. Anyone with the good sense to not set the house on fire could do it.

Ingredients:

• Frozen artichoke hearts
• Corn starch
• Flour
• Lawry’s seasoning salt (or whatever works for you)
• Sea salt
• Ground pepper
• Garlic powder
• 1 cup of water

In a mixing bowl, you’ll make your batter. It’ll be two parts flour, one part corn starch. Add a few shakes of seasoning salt and a dash of pepper and sea salt. Slowly pour in the water and mix it.

Next put in the artichokes and mix it around, covering everything. If you want, you can add more seasoning salt, especially if you like your food to taste like something awesome.

Once that’s finished, you can fry the crap out of them. I like to pan fry, but deep frying works better. Fry them until they’re crispy.

Once each artichoke is finished, take a paper towel and allow it to soak up excess oil. Then take another dash of sea salt and pepper on the final product. Serve it with ranch or spicy mayo.

Quality Burrito (Olympia, WA)

Do not be alarmed. It’s not a fleshlight, but rather a huge ass burrito I got at this joint in Oly yesterday. Quality Burrito, nestled in Downtown Olympia, is probably one of the better vegetarian/vegan friendly Mexican-American places I’ve been to. Their portions are pretty huge, their prices are pretty standard (this burrito was $7), but they have a great selection of non-meat substitutions.

They offer pinto beans and black beans that are vegan, as well as tempeh, which is rare in any vegan restaurant, since most tend to use tofu. My only complaint was that they didn’t have a soda fountain or even bottomless drinks, but in the greater scheme of things, that doesn’t really matter much, does it?

Alexis Bledel Breakfast Tacos

You know what’s fucking awesome? Breakfast tacos! Actually, tacos all the time. I made some Tex-Mex styled migas as filling for these wonderful little things. They’re relatively easy to make. Here’s the lowdown:

Ingredients:

• 3 large eggs
• Pinch of salt and pepper
• Olives
• Diced tomatoes
• Diced onions
• Hash browns
• Corn tortillas
• Small flour torillas
• Salsa
• Sour cream
• Shredded cheese

1. Fry up some frozen hash browns until they’re browned and cooked. Put a little bit of salt of them because prepackaged hash browns tend to be a bit bland. Once they’re done, put them on a paper towel plate to soak up the excess oil.

2. Cut up two corn tortillas in to strips (or dice them) and fry those in the pan you used for the potatoes. Fry them until they’re partially browned and crispy.

3. Beat some eggs and scramble them. Add some salt and pepper. Once they’re a little runny, add the corn tortillas, tomatoes, onions, hash browns and olives.

4. Serve on a small flour tortilla and add cheese, salsa and sour cream.

ZING!!!! Alexis Bledel Breakfast Tacos!

Four Spoons Cafe

850 NW 85th St, Seattle, WA

Four Spoons used to be the old Library Cafe, which was one of my favorite unknown breakfast spots in the city. For the record, Four Spoons is pretty good on many fronts: the service is great, the food is delicious and the decor and the overall aesthetic is better than most dining establishments.

My main gripe is that they lack a sizable vegetarian menu. For example, I had to order a ham and cheese sandwich, minus the ham. Luckily, they knocked off $1 from the price, but still, it would be nice to have better vegetarian options for lunch.

What Four Spoons lacked in veg-friendly foods, they made up with really great and friendly service. I would go back, if only to converse with the staff. Our server mentioned that they’re continuing to expand their menu, so I’d like to revisit this place in three to six months to see how things have changed.

Westside Bakery and Cafe

Bend, Ore.

The GF took me to the hot spot of Bend, OR, Westside Bakery and Cafe, an eatery that has kitsch all over the walls. Seriously. Dinosaurs with Santa hats and the giant Elvis statue only add to how awesome this place is, however (Applebees it is certainly not), the food and service make Westside one of the go-to eateries in this tourist town.

For this particular trek, I had the Florentine Eggs Benedict. Served with delicious and spicy potatoes, the homemade hollandaise sauce sat on top of a bed of spinach and mushroom. The eggs were poached hard, but no matter, there was still enough sauce to dip my potatoes into.

Hopefully for my next trip I can try the lunch specials but this breakfast was pretty freakin’ great.

Vegan Chicken Adobo

Ingredients:

• Seitan
• Apple cider Vinegar
• Kikoman soy sauce (Kikoman is one of two major brands that doesn’t use chemicals)
• Black pepper
• Sea or kosher salt
• Minced garlic
• Diced onions

Place the seitan in a bowl and mix one part apple cider vinegar and two parts soy sauce. Add the pepper, salt, garlic and onions. Stir the mixture and seal the bowl. Allow the seitan to soak in the marinade for 30-45 minutes.

Unwrap the bowl and fry in a pan on a medium heat. Serve with rice and enjoy.

Quick and Easy Vegetarian Deep Dish Pizza

What kind of pizza is better? Thin crust? Deep dish? Rectangle pizza? It’s really a matter of opnion I suppose, though to be frank, I like all pizza. Still, there’s a place in my heart for deep dish. In Seattle, there’s only two places to get deep dish pizza: Delfino’s and Papa Murphy. From what I gathered on Yelp, Delfino’s is so-so and Papa Murphy does not have a vegetarian option for their deep dish, thus leaving me to make my own.

Most deep dish recipes have it taking up to an hour and a half, but here’s a quick and easy deep dish pizza recipe that you can whip up in 20 minutes or so.

Ingredients:

• Pillsbury pizza dough (thick crust)
• Mozarella cheese
• Pizza sauce
• Vegetable toppings
• Yves pepperoni and/or Canadian bacon (if you want some)

Get a cake pan and grease the bottom and sides with olive oil. Set the dough in the pan. Put about two handfuls of cheese (or whatever you see fit) on the pizza dough. Put all your toppings on top of the cheese. Now drench your pizza with sauce.

Cook as directed (this should take about 15-17 minutes).

Enjoy!

At home; food by GF.